Dear Danielle:
My response from my experience: regarding not hurting him in the process: practice the necessary self control required to not be abusive. In sharing with him, talking with him, share anything that is real for you. For example: I am afraid that… I feel angry about…. Honor your feelings by being visible, by sharing them with him…only not in an ACCUSATORY way and not irresponsibly (as in: here is what i feel, it is your fault, you fix it for me!)

Your responsibility is to manage your emotions… asking his help, turning toward him for help is good, but you are the one responsible. You are not responsible for how he will take this or that feeling… how it will affect him. Your responsiblity to him is about not being abusive ot him.

Regarding what you are scared about- I don’t know what it is specifically to you- I believe it has nothing to do with HIS past and nothing to do with what you have been thinking about (the past with him). Think further back. What is there, before… ???
anita