Dear Sweet:
This is my input on reading your post:
Regarding asking your husband “stupid questions”- I assume these are questions that you know are “stupid” before you ask them. I assume you feel … an agitation, an itch and need relief and you are compelled to ask the question you have in mind in hope that the “right answer” will provide that relief?

If my assumption is mostly correct, then because you know ahead of time that it is going to be a stupid question- endure the discomfort and do not ask it. Such questions OBVIOUSLY do not provide a long term relief, otherwise you woudln’t be asking more and more of them. Not only do they not provide relief – they agitate your husband, hurt him and the relationship. It is ineffective.

There must be a more effective way for you to get relief of your distress, of those agitations. Focusing on your breath and disentanglement from your thinking mind is it. I was told today (and am elaborating on it) that those agitations are like ripples in a pond. If you add to those ripples your thinking and stupid questions it makes those ripples grow into explosive waves. But if you disengage from them, they will disapper on their own, the ripples that is, the agitation, the itch. There will be more ripples, but disengage from theme as well… and over time the pond will be quieter and quieter.

But that is not all- the source of the ripples being as intense as they are to take over you as they have- the source is probably in your childhood attachment being less than… satisfactory?

i don’t think a person can love without being attached to the person we love- the two go together… overly attached, maybe, the fear of being left alone, of losing that attachment- what is the origin of it in your life?

With insight into the past, grieving eventually the hurts of the past, makes it possible to let go of it- after SEEING and after grieving it.
anita