Dear Sweet:
Thank you for your sweet sentiments: they bring a smile to my face this morning. You read like a very loving, reaching-out-to-connect person.

I am glad your husband is a good, decent, loving man to you. What a precious resource: use this resource to benefit yourself as he benefits from you as a precious resource as well: a WIN-WIN relationship.

As long as you are gentle with him, not threatening, not abusive and responsible for your own feelings- be as open with your heart as needs be, it will help you and him. It will make you feel better again and again when you do have a close person to share your most vulnerable feelings. This is the way to deal with fear: CONNECTION with others. It is so biologically. This is why you feel better connecting with me on this forum: tears in your eyes are emotional release and relief, the lowering of fear. Whenever you find connection with a person who is empathetic and decent and responsible then you will find relief from your fear.

Please do not believe everything you read in self help books and online- example: “fear is an illusion.”- everyone is wrong sometimes. Nobody is always right and nobody is always wrong (Even a broken clock is right twich every 24 hours).

Regarding what you wrote about your parents, you wrote: “Parents have done enough for three of us. Its just we couldn’t do enough for them.” Can you tell me what you mean by “we couldn’t do enough for them”?

About focusing on one’s blessings, on the postives instead of the negatives- this is my take on this: although it is generally an excellent attitude, it cannot be done when people ignore, fight against, dismiss, repress, try to eradicate their negative feelings, their negative feelings about the past, not only the present. If you were seriously hurt by past events, by your childhood, even by the mere loneliness, lack of connection you experienced as a child- then those feelings will make themselves known to you again and again unti you address them adequately, until you first acknowledge them with insight and skills.

So back to the question about: what does “we couldn’t do enough for them” means and if ou’d like, tell me more about your childhood. Please note I am not a therapist in any way, shape or form. I am only a connection on this forum.

Take care of your sweet nature:
anita