Anita, thanks for your kind words.

Did you talk to your father about this fear? Hold his hand and tell him how you fear for him… you may find comfort in connecting with him about this fear.

This is actually exactly what I did recently when I went to visit them. I sat there and started crying and held his hand and he told me it is ok (the fact that he has to comfort me now when he is the one with the surgery etc) and that he will be ok.
He told me that I can see how well he is dealing with the situation and that I should take comfort from this and that he feels spoiled to have been so healthy for so long and accepts that this is a first “little niggle” at the age of 76.

Bethany,
haha thanks, I hope I can still keep my humor 🙂

And yes, I know I am lucky to have such caring and “cool” parents who just “get” me.
But naturally, the fear of loss is very big that way.
I do practive mindfulness meditation, have done for some time now – as I am prone to mild depression and I was looking for a way to stabilize myself. It does help and it also helps me to recognize the patterns of the mind such as thinking ahead and dramatizing etc.
But still, the sadness is obviously there right now. I think this situation and the thoughts and fears that come along with it have just made me very emotional and also very nostalgic right now. I miss the feeling of “everything is ok” and of a carefree young life.
I know it is natural and normal for life to not always be sunshine and roses and I try to work ony my acceptance towards feelings I don’t like.
So long story short: yes, I try to take extra care of myself now and medidate. I also execercise and do yoga, which I think also helps my mental health.

It is just difficult for me now because I felt very stable and at ease at the beginning of the year. I had an unhappy episode with one of those useless guys I fall for 😉 and was surprised how fast and well I got over it and felt very strong and good after this.
But now there is this worry and I do notice how it affects me and whenever I feel sad or teary or anxious it reminds me of phases when I was depressed so it is hard for me to accept that as something “normal”.