Dear Misunderstood:
Thank you for the book recommendation. I looked into http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com to read online about the book. I don’t need to read the book- I already know and more importantly I am aware more and more of the experience it was to “grow inward” with an abusive mother (mine well on the continuum of narcissistic/ histrionic/Borderline). As to your questions, I am no longer attending therapy (moved out of the state where I was having therapy) and I am in the midst of the long process of healing, working onit daily, using skills I learned in therapy and getting more insight.

You wrote: “It does bother me mom doesnt respect my boundaries, but she genuinely believes shes not in the wrong. All the attacks and negativity is either from her own illness and out of love.” You wrote here: “All the attacks …out of love.” She attacks you out of love, you think? I challenge that thought or belief. I think that humans as animals attack when they are ANGRY, when they INTEND to hurt. This is what attacking is about. Here is an http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/attack definition of ATTACK: “to try to hurt, injure, or destroy (something or someone)”

It is difficult, isn’t it, to SEE that a woman who is your own mother is trying to hurt you, isn’t it?

Also, regardless of her intent or her illness, when you let go of a glass dish and it falls to the floor and breaks, is it less broken if you didn’t intend to drop it to the floor? Is it less broken if you dropped it because you were having a fever?

I like your assertion: “I want to focus on my kids, my husband and my happiness.” and i do hope you focus on your kids, husband and happiness. I hope you focus then on LOVING and BEING LOVED by your kids.
anita