Kaz,

Consider that when a star collapses, it condenses into a black hole. Light, space, matter, time, all become irrelevant when they meet that gravity.

What she did was incredibly hurtful, vindictive, manipulative and cruel. To you, dear friend. You broke up with her, and in response, she turned herself into a black hole in your heart. Luckily, love does in fact have the power to escape the gravity. And forgiveness is the key. You have to forgive her for being so selfish. For being so cruel. For being so manipulative. For sucking away 10 years of your life. She used herself as a bomb to hurt you, and it worked. You don’t deserve to carry such a burden, no one does.

The guilt and analytical defenses for the guilt make perfect sense, and yet do not settle the black hole. They are only that crutch. It’s like a cycle of question mark to exclamation point, neither one accurate, an endless loop. The solution, sit, breathe, notice the guilt as a result of her manipulation hooking you, forgive her for doing that to you, and cry it out.

I can tell you feel like this wound, the black hole, you carry is never ending, but don’t despair, friend, it can heal if you let it. Your analytical habit is keeping the wound open, because you came to the wrong conclusion. Cycling around with the question “what did I do to her”, instead of “what did she do to me?”

May your heart touch upon the center of truth, find authentic grief, cry it out, and be free.

With warmth,
Matt