Hi Hope

Whilst I don’t have the same cultural background as you, I do live in a small community where everyone knows everyone else. As a consequence I often feel that anything I do is being watched by people I went to school with, or former colleagues or girlfriends, so it creates a magnified sense of worrying about what others think, especially when I was your age.

One of the benefits of getting older is that you start to care less about what others think. Partly this is because I now see so many of my contemporaries who wish they had done something different with their lives, but who became lawyers and accountants to please their parents, who are no longer around. When they see someone actually changing their life and getting out of the rat-race, they feel envious. Similarly with parents – they will try to guide you because they love you and are advising you with the best of motives. But ultimately all they really want is for you to be happy. So thank them for caring, thank them for their advice, let them know you love them, and do what you think is right. When they see you are happy, you will be surprised how supportive they will become.

You are looking for some direction in your life. I’m nearly 30 years older than you, and let me tell you, so am I. So I’m just trying to do more of what I enjoy. I can’t make a living out of it, at least not yet – not whilst I have a house to pay for and kids to support. So I’m still doing my job, but trying to spend every spare moment doing things I love – reading, writing, walking, motorcycling, making things, and passing on the benefits of my experience on forums like these. And by doing all these things regularly, I am getting better at them. And maybe, one day, I will be good enough to make a living from them. But even if I don’t, I still feel better for doing them.

As you are still at college, you will have opportunities to make a living when your studies finish. But don’t spend so much time making a living that you forget to have a life. Often we study to do a job that pays well, so that we can spend our spare time doing what we love. But the study and the job is hard, because we don’t love it. Try to experience the joy of doing something that you love, just for its own sake. It will teach you that learning can be a joy, and that getting out of your comfort zone and doing things that scare you is fun, not frightening. Try taking those music lessons, dance lessons, soccer lessons that you missed when you were younger. Maybe try something that you never thought you would do in a million years. Fly a plane. Do a bungee jump. Run a marathon (I did, and trust me, if I can, anyone can!) You will be amazed at what it does for your self-esteem and your feelings about what you are capable of.

Just one more tale – A university friend of mine graduated with an excellent degree in Sociology and History, but couldn’t find any work. He had loved trucks since he was a little boy, and had spent one of his summer vacations getting a licence to drive a truck, for no other reason than he had always wanted to. So he managed to get a job with a trucking company (after lying about his qualifications – they wouldn’t have taken him if they had known he had a degree), much to the dismay of his parents who had spent a lot of money to put him through university. He spent the next five years or so driving trucks for the biggest music supergroups of the day, mixing with just about every famous name you could think of, and by the age of 32 started his own trucking company. He sold the company for millions at the age of 40 and effectively retired. All because he chose to do something he loved, just for the fun of it. And his parents? He bought them a lovely house, so I think they forgave him…