Hi Sann,

I agree with Aurora Borealis.

Without seeing a doctor, someone for counseling or therapy, it’s hard to tell if your BPD is affecting how you view your circumstances, and has something to do with your school and work difficulties, and finding your passion. Give yourself a chance at finding your passion, and see someone about your BPD. See if they have services available at low cost for treatment where you live.

Counseling might also help you deal with your lack of self love and search for fulfilment. Rather than waiting for the ideal job and life conditions to happen for you to be happy, I would say you deserve to be happy right now. What can you do right now to be happy? Thinking this way empowers you. You don’t need to have a degree or wait for a herbalist job to be happy. You’re right, many people work shitty jobs to sustain their families. On the other hand there are also people who have prestigious jobs and financial resources and feel shitty inside.

You can’t always control your circumstances in life, but you can choose to love yourself in every moment, thought, and choice you make everyday. I think that will be more lasting and fulfilling than any job. Learn coping methods for BPD, and don’t be afraid to ask for help (from friends, family, faith community, or a community group).

Wishing you the courage to love yourself-