Dear Sweet:
I thought about you, wondering if you are spending the weekend with the friend- and you did. I am glad you feel you and your husband got some space from each other and from the distress of last week. I like your notes and your mindset about accepting the job and calming yourself before acting so not to automatically react in ways that will only increase your distress. Please do not expect perfection from yourself, only progress. Communicate with your husband about your true feelings so that you don’t feel isolated and alone and at the same time do it responsibly, in such a way that you do not blame him, attack him. You need a good relationship with him where you are visible and valued, so show him your self, vulnerabilities and all. In moderation, in small doses.

In my mind I am thinking that maybe you are trying to behave perfectly with him, be the perfect wife and eventually you can’t do it. I don’t know if this is so, but in case it is (???) I recommend showing him your imperfect self (by the sharing of your feelings) so that he knows where you are emotionally and when you are having a tough time and you have in him that best friend that you need.

My weekend: I slept poorly Friday night and was feeling low Saturday. I managed though. Slept way better Saturday night and having a better day today. It is Father’s Day today in the U.S. and my husband is out with his oldest son (from a previous marriage). Such a thing used to threaten me, making me feel uncomfortable but I am dealing way better with that. Different things that distress/ed me- like ripples in a pond, I surround a ripple (disturbance in the water) with calm, silence so the ripples disappears…

Sometimes it is almost too much to apply these good tools… but what is the option- living in a stormy pond is very unpleasant. Change is difficult though. I hope you have a good Monday. i wish you and your marriage the best. Looking forward to you writing me…
anita