Read “Love and Aloneness” by Osho. Check out Osho’s stuff. One of his quotes:
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up.
Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession.
Love is about appreciation.”
Neediness and an intense desire to be loved by somebody is not the same thing as love. I can talk from experience there. What I will tell you is that this will all subside if you just let it be, notice the thoughts and feelings and see them for what they are. Reading and experiencing psychological perspectives such as Osho’s has helped me around this. I can tell you that I experienced what you are experiencing over somebody for 3 years. Right now, that is a distant memory and I now realize I never actually loved them. I thought it was love, but it was too needy, too desperate and too fear-imbued to actually be love. Love, that is, being free, enjoyable and generous without demanding reciprocation.
You think you need somebody to fulfill a need in your life. Until you can love yourself and love being alone, and know that somebody else’s love can’t make you happy, similar patterns are going to become a common trend for you. Bathe in philosophy and psychology that offers a more empowering perspective. Check out Osho, Eckhart Tolle, Noah Elkrief…
One last thought: All this wanting and yearning is degrading. It makes you feel like you’re small, right? You might think it’s cool, but how do you feel when you do it? Pretty bad? Becoming psychologically independent is something that can take time and energy, but the payoff is that you no longer think you need somebody else to fulfill you. Neediness is creepy, and as you’re finding out, doesn’t come with the most powerful feelings! All of this is 100% changeable and if you keep applying yourself to changing this, it will definitely happen, however long it takes.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 