Dear Sweet:
I slept poorly again last night and feeling exhausted and low right now. I read your post but wasn’t able to grasp all the thoughts and events you wrote about- I have a difficulty following details in general and the more- especially if written without enough clarity- the more difficult it is for me.

What I did understand is that you are tired of over thinking. Tired of conflict with your husband. You figure you better accept the reality of your life and give up trying to figure out his motives in things he does, giving up checking on him (these are my words)- give up micro-managing him (what he calls trying to control him). These are very good things.

You wrotet that just because of things hardwired in childhood, does not mean the present has to suffer for it. Well, it takes time to re-wire the brain, or re-train the brain and I hope I am doing just that and it seems to me that by you accepting things as they are, with time, your over thinking brain will also be re-wired and stuff, over time, will bother you less and less.

I am hungry. My husband is the cook- and what a great cook. Among other cuisines he is an excellent Indian food cook- his nan is to die for, his curies are amazing. Tonight will be Italian. I used to be thin but gained weight in the last few months and am cutting down these days on how much i eat. I often, very often look for things to eat and it is a problem especially when I am tired like today, not having enough sleep last night.

Things between me and him used to be bad because of MY behavior. I am glad I learned skills like the EAR I told you about. I used to drive myself crazy about his first wife and first marriage adn seeing his three sons made me think of him being intimate with his first wife- crazy, crazy, crazy. I still have problems but my communication with him is so good- he is my best friend. and did I mention a great cheff- oh, your husband is one also- how interesting.
anita