If you tell a depressed person that they are insert-negative-label here, they already believe you.

The paradox of depression is that we see ourselves as almost two separate persons, and the cycle of self-loathing is a constant self-criticism and performing the acts that we dislike in ourselves, which leads us to self-criticize, that leads to the acts we perform; because only a insert-negative-label-here would do these type of things.

The road to recovery, aside from counseling, possibly medication, and related things is to change either the outlook or the acts we perform. It takes time and sometimes great effort, perhaps more than most people who do not suffer from depression. People who do not suffer from the depth of the depression you seem to describe here, cannot understand what it feels like.

They cannot understand statements such as: “It hurts to exist”. When drawing a breath feels like a crime against nature, when a dark shadow in the mind tells you that your simply being is a sin. The anhedonic nature of this lowly state is a hell on earth. Pleasure is found in nothing. The XBox gaming is likely because he can find solace only in focusing his thoughts and attention on something other than himself. Role playing as it were.

However, you must also learn to put yourself first in this situation. It is very possible he sees you as a free ride and merely takes advantage. It may be a case of what I have just wrote. It may be something in between. However, the source of positivity and negativity in our lives flows from ourselves.

There is no love, without self-love. There is no hate, without self-hate. If your compassion has led to a self-criticism in yourself, then you yourself may have started down a very similar path as he. You may subconsciously, or with full awareness see yourself as an ‘enabler’, and then reinforce that behavior of self-resentment with those actions that make you one.

Apologies if that last one sounds ‘accusatory’ in nature: it is not my intention. I wish only to help you find the clarity you seek, and to let the truth guide you. This is all; of course, words from a stranger on the internet, so it is best to merely consider them, and be willing to dismiss them upon evidence of their error.

Above all, I hope the best outcome for both he and you in this.