Glet,

It is so very normal and usual for someone who has been abused to feel panicked about sex. There are many similarities between sexual abuse and sex… similar motions, similar body parts involved, similar sensations. These similarities can initiate a lot of distress.

Have you ever considered finding a therapist to talk to about these panicked feelings? I was sexually abused too, and found great success in talking it out. It was like my abuser entered my house and made a mess of things, and the mess scared me, made feel broken, ashamed, different, isolated. With some tender direction, however, I was able to work it through, sort it out, and heal the emotional bruises and triggers.

The main thing to know is that it’s OK. You’re ok. Nothing permanent to your uncomfortable emotions, nothing lasting, nothing broken. The distance you feel between your emotional and physical desire is very normal. Have you spoken to your partner about your past? You don’t have to, of course, if you don’t want to, or if the trust isn’t there. But if you do trust him, talking to him about it may help him understand your need to take things slow.

Consider that the feral portion of sex is perhaps the smallest part, bodies humping, does mean little. However, sex is much, much more than that. It’s about intimacy, connection, trust, and togetherness.

With warmth,
Matt