Dear Jim/Jamie:
That is you then, wow, my goodness- you look fabulous. It is not a close shot but you do look incredible- such a nice, delicate bone structure, and those legs, wow- WOW and you are in your late 40s there? I wonder if it is the bike rides keeping you slim and wow- love the small frame, narrow bones, legs- my goodness, for some reason I am pleasantly surprised- why did I view you in mind’s eye as less attractive, I do not know. Maybe because reality is most people are overweight- the great majority of people, especially at a certain age. Just seeing someone who is not in this obesity epidemic world is the exception to the rule. My mind’s voice keeps saying WOW as I type this, keep wow-ing. My goodness! Wow. Here I said it again.

I wonder how tall you are and how much you weigh. I am 5’5” and i was skinny until my middle 30s. I gained and was 150lbs in my early forties. For the first time attempted weight loss- made it. Then got off heavy duty psych meds i was on from 35 years to 52. As I got off- failed and got off again, I developed a DSM eating disorder that I am recovering from. At one point I weighed 103 lbs. I most often weighed around 108 for years until this year. My binge eating caught with me and I gained only I refuse to go on the scale. I recently placed my zero size pants up on a shelf as well as any number under 4. But I am doing better, eating is still involving anxiety but I am eating less. I no longer go from deprivation to bingeing. I do love to eat- although the anxiety added via my latest torture of few years is “raining on my parade” of enjoying food.

Anyway, I am going on and on about my weight triggered by your photo- did I say WOW already? What a beautiful dress! So very white- you do look good in it! In my mind’s eye I thought you wouldn’t look good walking in the mall with woman’s clothes but I changed my outlook now- how can you look so good in a dress? Beats me. I mean, I can’t imagine anyone, woman, man or alien looking any better than you in that prom dress.

Isn’t it strange how I go on about this- yet, there is nothing calculating about my response here- I type what and as I feel it. I figure it takes someone meant to be in this dress to look so good in it.

Okay, enough. I don’t like riding a race like bikes- only the bikes with the handles high, hope you know what I mean. I have a good memory of riding such a bike in a Kibbutz in Israel in early 80s. No cars only bikes (a few cars for everyone’s use were in a central location in the kibbutz. Most areas were free of vehicles. So quiet, trees and nature and the dining hall for all who are interested- how lovely. My only problem there was that I was so lonely. I left Israel in 1985 with a plane ticket to San Francisco, lived in NYC Sept-feb 86, flew to New Orleans, back to Israel, NY, Las Vegas, lived there, then Los Angeles, stayed there, teacher of some kind (Public Schools) substitute, then got married finally at 49 (a couple of mean-nothing marriages of shortest duration before) and left not alone, this time to Wash State.

My life was mostly misery, really. I believe I am over the great pathology characterizing my life of five decades. My pahtology, severe, overwhelming – has been my mother in my life and in my psyche. Like in the movie Psycho, the original, well kind of like it, seriously debilitating- I BECAME HER. I did not view my life and myself through MY EYES but through hers. Of course it was me, but psychically it was her, her representation in my mind. It has been terrible. a Torture. It is only recently through a lot of work… I can’t believe how horrible it WAS.

Hope you are enjoying your day off work. I had my daily 3.5 mile up and down walk this morning and was able to walk briskly. Love the exercise.

Another… wow. Donefor now wow-ing you.
anita