Hi Anita. Your making me blush again. It makes me happy that I had a small part in making you feel very lively yesterday. I really think the reason I’ve felt so joyful the last few days is that for one of the few times in my life, I have felt an emotional connection to someone. I’ve never been a people person. Because of the protective walls I put up, I’ve never let people get too close. My friendships were more superficial as I was too scared of rejection to really open up and have a deep, emotional connection. You are the first person I have felt completely safe with so as to tell my whole story. In the past 10-15 years as I started telling certain people my secret, I would only tell part of my story. I wouldn’t tell them about the deep feelings of shame, humiliation, and self loathing that I’ve lived with. The thought of telling them that was too scary as it would expose myself as timid and weak. I feel safe letting you see the real ME!!

That is so sad that your mother punished you for no reason. She was probably so miserable (misery loves company) that she couldn’t stand to see you looking happy or joyful. You deserve to feel joy and happiness without guilt. I hope in time your inner child will feel safe with me. We are best girlfriends after all.

I’ll tell you more about how Jim and Jamie coexist in my next letter. I thought about you a lot at work today. I hope you had a nice walk and a peaceful day.

Jamie