Dear very sad jj:
I can read throughout your post how strongly, how intensely you feel about your husband’s family and his relationship with them. I can read how strongly aversive you are to his family and to your husband having any relationship with them- or any relationship other than what you believe he should have.

With your aversion, with your strong position, with your anger, I do not see how you can live with your husband and not make him- and yourself- terribly miserable.

It is a good thing you do not have children. It will be oh, so very wrong, I believe, to bring a child to this conflict, intense, ongoing conflict.

I believe that for as long as you feel the way you do, it is not a good idea to resume living together.

anita