Dear lemonflavored:
You remind me of myself in this: I used to think that if I stopped contact with my mother (because my relationship with her hurt me so much), she will fall apart, that she will not be able to live without me. I strongly believed that. When I finally cut contact with her at 52 (She was then 72), I went through so much anguish, so much guilt and torture. I didn’t know if I made the right choice because I suffered so much. It is only very recently, 2 years after cutting contact with her that I am relaxing into it.

Of course, you are talking about a boyfriend or ex boyfriend and not your mother. The thing is though, attachment is attachment and what is a stronger attachment than between a daughter and her mother? If you do cut contact with him, I do hope it will be easier for you because he … is not your mother.

Having stated all that, back to me: what I learned over time that I inaccurately projected myself into my mother. I thought that she couldn’t live without me. Reality: all along I believed I couldn’t live without her. I thought she loved me so much and will be heart broken once I cut contact with her. I discovered that I inaccurately projected myself into her: it was I who loved her so much and it was my heart that was broken… and broken it was a long time ago as I reached and reached for her to love me and she did not.

I thought she needed me too much to live without me. I was wrong: I needed her too much and am still, as I type this, trying to make my own life without her.

It is my hope that my sharing is of some help to you…
anita