Dear knowingandgrowing:

Your writing is… so very, what is the word, or words, so engaging, so flowing, even with the fast forwards, so … I am a woman and not gay in any way and yet i am thinking as I read your post: I am falling in love with this woman. My goodness, your writing, your post here is fascinating, a work of excellence.

“Does bravery ever catch up to clarity? But what is your clarity? I too have attention problems and might have missed it: what clarity are you referring to?

To sum up in my own head, you have been feeling very anxious and guilty about your parenting of your daughter. Your husband is no match for you intellectually and is emotionally immature, insensitive and so, both intellectually and emotionally he is no match for you. Your marriage to him was satisfactory in the past because you were comfortable with its limitations (pot, fancy food, sex is a way to live..) but now, you want a partner who is a match for you as you are awakening from the pot, ADD drug stupor.

Now that you woke up, now that you awakened (that is the CLARITY, isn’t it?) how can you go back to the unawakened stage? How do you… unawaken so you can endure what you HAD? Personally, I will not judge you if you separated or divorced your husband. COnsidering the lack of depth of his relationship with you, it will not be much of a loss for him- after all he alredy lost his “cool wife.” Yes, he already lost her, didn’t he? So there.

If I was you I would focus on my well being and the well being of my daughter. I will not, NO WAY, think of having another child- are you kidding? WIth your anxiety over parenting, having more children? In my mind it is crazy. Whether you continue your affair with the married man- that would be of a lesser priority for me, if I was you, that is.

If I was you I would go to any length, do anything and everything for the benefit of my own well being and the well being of my daughter. The marriage and the affair would be a removed, way removed priorities. Be good to yourself, be good to your daughter.

anita