Hi Daisygrayce,

It’s been a long day at work and my brain isn’t quite where it should be but I didn’t want to read and run. I got a little muddled reading your post. I’m going to make some statements, correct me if I’m wrong:

You are 45 and caring for your mother. You had a well paid career which you gave up to care for your older relatives. When they died the situation changed and you found a job that was satisfying but wouldn’t take you to where you want to go? You applied for Grad school and after some problems were successful. Due to ill health your grad school course got cancelled two years in a row. You are approaching the third attempt and wondering whether or not to go through with it?

No offence to your grandfather and mother but I think it is worth trying for something you want even if that something is hard. I also believe life is too short to be whatever “normal” is considered to be. My own father is a lovely caring person but he will always pour cold water on any plan that isn’t 100% safe because he worries about me. I’ve learnt not to take my plans to him for feedback and just enjoy spending time with him in other ways.

My question would be – is this what you want? Will it take you in a direction you want to go? It doesn’t have to be foolproof or a forever plan but do you feel it is a step towards what you want in life or is it a step away? Only you can answer that question really. I’m not clear whether this new graduate course is in a different direction to the work you have already pursued in the past? Did you enjoy your well paid career? Your post is very thought out and contains lots of your thoughts, but not many of your feelings. What emotions do you feel when you think about this issue?