You’re very insightful Anita. After the affair he felt a tremendous amount of shame and guilt which drove him to see a counselor. Since then I felt he and overcome some of that sense of shame but he often will make comments how I’m good two-shoes, that I have integrity and maturity beyond my years. He has said that he is trying to be a better man and I do see that some of his behaviour has changed, he often will leave drinks or things early if he feels like it goes down the wrong path. But it still feels like at times he wants to paint me as good and himself as bad and unworthy. I don’t at all see it that way, we are all many shades of grey.

I know I’m not the only person he has these feelings with. He idolised his father who is very out-going mans, man and he isn’t that, so has always felt like he has disappointed his father. I see a dad that is very proud of him and only wants him to be happy.

So I have so much empathy for him Anita and have felt guilty myself that I’m doing something that makes him feel guilty and inadequate.

Can I ask Anita, how did you come to feel good enough? Were you supported by your partner in anyway?