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You said: can anyone advise on how to stop caring about what others think of me.
Why do I care ?
1) Maybe you care about what others think of you, because you like to please yourself, and in order to please yourself, you need to please others, and by pleasing others, there is a chance they might accept you, and if they accept you, its you who gets the most pleasure out of that, and that’s why you care so much about what other people think of you. In short in order to please yourself you need other people’s acceptance, because that’s how you have learned to accept yourself. You care more about there rating then what you rate yourself. You need to re learn how to please yourself it should not come from other peoples acceptance, your pleasure should come from you accepting yourself. Your value system needs to be you accepting yourself as you are and getting pleasure from that (what i mean is laugh about your imperfections and be kind to your imperfections, no one is perfect!). You do not need to be perfect. You should not have a value-system of yourself that in order for you to feel pleased you need other peoples acceptance.
Note accepting yourself means just to see yourself as you are without judgement in my opinion.
2) The second part to the problem is maybe you also hold this strong belief that there is a need to keep this hope alive in you, like its a hopeful possibility that it might work out with them or that person, cuz if i act nicely and do this gesture, then maybe they will respond more nicely or at least act more neutrally towards me. You need to give up that hope. Forget about the hope of possibility of being accepted by others, let go of that weight and just be yourself that is your only purpose when your amongst people. And if you are in the work place be yourself and focus on the task at hand that’s your only job.
ANYONE WHO HAS DISRESPECTED YOU FROM NOW ON YOU DO NOT NEED TO PLEASE THEM OR BE ACCEPTED BY THEM. YOU JUST NEED TO BE DISTANT AND CORDIAL. YOU SHOULD NOT GET PLEASURED WHEN OTHERS ACCEPT YOU. YOU SHOULD GET PLEASURED WHEN YOU ARE SINCERELY AND GENUINELY BEING YOURSELF. TELL YOURSELF I AM IMPERFECT AND AWESOME AND I WILL NOT BASE MY VALUE SYSTEM ON THE NEED TO BE ACCEPTED BY OTHERS.
There is this saying, give up all hope and you’ll find freedom, I think Edward Norton said that. The point is give up the hope of being accepted by others. Do not put that unnecessary pressure on yourself. Give it up. Let it go. Its not up to you to figure that shit out. Its a weight that you can let go of. Your focus should be to be kind, civil, be yourself, focus on the task at hand when you are at work, smile, and laugh more often for yourself. Do activities that make u laugh. Let go of the things that are not working out, let the universe figure it out. You cant control the other person you can only control yourself and your actions so let go of the hope of being accepted by others.
Also I would like to say in caring for someone you are also pleasing them at the same time. You have to be careful who your pleasing. If its someone who disrespects you, than you need to learn to be distant but nice to them. It’s like being distant but at the same time being on point. If its at the work place, if they ask you anything work related you reply exactly whatever they asked you, nothing more or less, and leave it at that. Show them your here to work not to make friends. So be distant, but cordial. If you hear a conversation you would like to jump into, when at work, but the people making the conversation is someone who has been disrespectful to you in the past know better to not join in. People who have disrespected you do not deserve to hear your thoughtful opinions and you do not deserve to be treated that way. Basically honor yourself and value yourself and stay away from people that stink ass because if you don’t later on someway somehow unknowingly or knowingly you will start to (REACT INTO THEIR DRAMA) stink like them, it human nature. We absorb what we see.
If i said anything that doesn’t apply to you than omit that. I do not know your full story, so forgive me if i said anything offensive.
Warm Regards,
From: A Woman
Age:26
FROM: Dallas, TX