Dear TriangleSun:

The burden I referred to, you wrote that you “agree the issue is one of burdern.” I don’t understand what you mean by it: what is your understanding of the burden I referred to? I will try to figure it out as I type here: when you give your power away, that is act as lovingly as you can, being extremely giving to another, sacrificing to please, to satisfy, anything, everything, willing to go the whole way no matter the price to you, when you loved your ex like that (did you?)- did you love her like you always wanted to be loved by your parent/s- and expecting that kind of love to come back to you? The love you needed as a child, that needy kind of love, the kind of love you did do anything for, sacrifice anything and everything for because you needed it with the urgency of a life and death issue…

Like a needy, desperate child, needing the STRONG parent, you were trying (?) to love your ex the same way, seeing her as stronger than she was, so that she will make you feel that safe feeling you so desperately needed as a child. This is understandable and natural in the context of a child/ parent relationship. In the context of two equal type adults, both needy, there is a burden for her. You asked if it is the burden of expecting to give back while not being able to. I will have to come back to this thread when I am more clear in my mind. Maybe you can write me further, help me get clarity??? Will come back to this.

anita