If I look back at my current problem at work I see that my lack of self forgiveness is a major contributor. I felt so stupid to let this happen. To let them speak to me rudely without even a whimper from me. I consoled myself by saying “I’m just gonna focus on the task, not worry what they say”. But the process does matter. The task is not more important than how we are treated by our colleagues.And I think my lack of self-forgiveness was a way of saying “I can’t let this happen again. I must punish myself as a strong reminder never to let this happen again.
I go back to work later next week. I’m prepared to walk out this time. leave them to it. I hope it doesn’t get to that. But I want to show I’m not desperate for the job. I can find another job but it will be hard. My pride is important. I don’t need to be a whipping boy for them to get ride of their stress.
I have to psyche myself up to perform like a tiger, my new persona. Just hope I don’t overdo it.