Dear Deusexmachina,

A relationship will not save you or solve the other issues that you need to work on. Intellectualizing it is one thing and allowing yourself to truly feel the discomfort of your state is another. Your pain is far too deep-rooted for a relationship to fix it. Consider the problems you mentioned –

” Also I have a lot of problems from various addictions which make my situation more difficult:
at times addictions to: Psychedelics, masturbation, procrastination, video games, Youtube, negative thinking. Plus I’m suffering from MDD, have little life experience, have underdeveloped social skills, I’m short and unattractive, have low-self esteem, low self-confidence, negative thought processes, lack of energy, don’t have any friends, I’m too susceptible to negative events, lack self-control, and live inside my head. It’s all connected and I am working on changing as much as I can. ”

These addictions, lack of life experiences, lack of social connections are leading to magnified negative thinking, arent they? I think you’re looking to fix the outside without really understanding whats bothering you on the inside. You’ve gotta let go of living inside your head and really understand what is there in your heart, what is the real issue.

PS: Dating websites and nightclubs are usually places where people are first judged on looks mostly. But we all know that there is more to people than meets the eye and secondly, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I have seen number of short and attractive men find partners while seen several highly attractive guys not get partners. The question then is, what really works and more importantly, what stays? I would say only you. Love helps you to experience newer emotions and its beautiful but it doesnt solve the stuff inside. Those burdens are yours to carry and resolve. Your partner could be incredibly loving and caring but they cant compensate for the old habits, imbalances and poor thinking habits over the years.

Regards,
Moon