Hello Anita. Thank you for your reply.

Brother went through same stuff I did as kids and he found his path in learning counselling. He was probably just on that page in the book in his studies but it Changed. My. World.
I will never go back. Sometimes I’m still mean to myself but it sounds ridiculous now so I have to giggle.. shsddap! You don’t even believe that. ‘ … ‘oh yeah’ .

Now I also have another theory. That sometimes a body needs to cry. Flushing out excess chemicals and whatever stuff happens in a head, but sometimes a body needs to cry. Rebalanced hormones etc

I reckon ahead sometimes tells you horrible things to make you feel terrible but it’s the only way it can think of to make you cry because your body needs it …. you’re hardly going to go and bang your own thumb with a hammer to mske you cry so nasty thoughts was all it could think f for a fast relief.
So sometimes you’re just getting it but it’ll be worth it on the other side of a good cry in a safe private place.