After a point, we have to let go of thinking of what we cant change – she’s gone and thats it – now you have to look at a world outside her, into you and that is scary cuz you dont really know it too well beyond the bad stuff – you have some questions to look into “Who am I? What do I do?” but these are too big to be sorted in an hour. Start making small, achievable changes at a time rather than going all out to fix it. Do you have a routine? Are you socializing with people? Is there anyone who can check up on you and? etc etc