Dear Phoebe:

I don’t think you are overreacting at all. I think you should move out, really! The texting exchange with your mother is disturbing to me. In it, you are reasonable and willing to accommodate, please and appease. On the other hand your mother is unreasonable, blaming, and she repeatedly refused, in the exchange you quoted here, to acknowledge your efforts to accommodate her. She did not acknowledge your apology (even though you had no reason to apologize).

In the exchange you quoted your mother is repeatedly blaming you with no valid reason to blame you. That is disturbing to me. Your sister as well is blaming you and your father. To me, it is not that they don’t trust you to be mature, it is that the three, supporting each other in this, have a need to blame you and single you out as the one to blame. It seems to me that you are a the scapegoat of this family, the one to blame.

And not because you are guilty of anything but simply because your mother NEEDS to blame someone and your sister carries on the same role, blaming you and your father, maybe he agrees with your mother because it is easier for him to do so.

It is not about you, nothing you are doing wrong. It is about them, something is wrong with them to single you out as the one to point a finger at. It is your … given Family Role.

Reject it by moving out. I am sorry this is your situation!

anita