I love everyone’s suggestions.

I struggle with being assertive when dealing with people I disagree with. I find it stems from the idea that for me to come into conflict with someone about an issue I need to fully understand why a person is behaving in that way so that the actions I choose to take are constructive rather than jumping in without thinking about it or reacting destructively. I believe that people choose their actions for a reason and to be constructive I need to understand and be completely sure before I act. I think people see this as a great weakness because by the time I have decided on my course of action it has really gotten out of hand. So in terms of workplace politics I feel quite unconfident, especially with bosses who really are there to take advantage of you and push as hard as they can to get every ounce of value out of you.

I also struggle dealing with people who are not open to the difficulties they have. I want to help them and support them but I have found out (the hard way) that if they are not ready to accept their negative behaviours, that they don’t listen or really take on what you have to say about it. Its really hard sitting back watching them being so destructive and not guide them to something better.

So for example my boss is a really nice guy when not focussed on his work- there is a nice side to him. But at work he oozes stress and is nasty and condescending to his workers in his frustration to get them all to do more. He doesn’t realise they cant do more that what they are doing. He has a great team of workers. Its a good day at work when he has targeted the other workers to “focus his attentions on” rather than you. When I realised this I chose to leave the job but you can’t keep running away from people you find hard to get along with. I mean I just cringe when he gets stuck into our ‘special needs’ worker. Its horrible on so many levels. I started to try to quietly help this special-needs person with small directions and hints/tips that certain jobs were coming up so start preparing for them- to help them cope with the workload only to find myself in the firing line constantly. The worst thing was, it was no extra burden for me to help them. Its didn’t slow my work or affect my performance in a negative way.

I feel for you Snapnap because I am also looking for a workplace where I can work hard and come home and feel I have done well without all the nastiness but I am starting to believe it really is not possible because efficiency in business comes down to money, and that is linked directly with greed. So that means greed and compassion are pitted against each other: do we behave compassionately in the workplace and look after our workers or efficiently and push them as hard as possible????? So like you I am trying to work out how to ‘go-with-the flow’ in these necessary situations (i.e. I have to work to earn money and live) and not come home feeling taken advantage of and exhausted all the time. My current theory is to work somewhere you don’t care about at all.

I love the advice about finding love and its totally true- don’t look for it- instead be yourself and do things you enjoy and when you do this your happiness will shine and then the people who you are doing this will see and (unless you are doing stuff completely on your own in isolation) you will shine like a beacon and attract likeminded people to you. It always happens when you don’t expect it!

I apologise. I feel like I have taken over the thread but I really empathise with you and if others out there have more suggestions please keep them coming because I am really interested in trying some of them out as well 😀