Dear cynish:

You wrote that at first he was emotionally distant and there were break ups. Somewhere during the initial time with him, he: “eventually confessed his love for me, except he was certain that his traditional parents would not approve of our marriage.”

Here is my perspective: he intensely and deeply loved his parents before he loved you. He knew from the beginning that his love for you will hurt the parents that he loves, that is the two loves will not go together. The objects of his love are in conflict.

He was unavailable from the very beginning to commit to you. Not because he was deeply involved, emotionally committed to ANOTHER WOMAN-

his mother.

He was always conflicted. At one point he expressed a clear choice: his mother and he ended it with you. At all other times he chose both, hovering over a fence, not here, not there and still is as he still contacts you.

No amount of reasoning will help with him because his attachment to the other woman is so intense, deeply rooted and unshakable without real long term consistent efforts on his part, starting with a clear willingness and motivation on his part.

So, all you can hope for is a man on the fence, neither here nor there. Or here and there, which makes here, that is the time with you very unpleasant for you. I suppose this is leading to him marrying someone else and being willing to have an affair with you in person or on line, physical or emotional.

That is, if you don’t take a stand about where you want to be in your life- away from him, I say.

anita