@Anita – We feel cursed because of how often things go wrong for us.
The specific people we are trying to get help from (which keep saying they will, but have mostly just been helping us stay where we are, honestly… which helps, but isn’t the direction we are looking for.) want us to jump through hoops to get their help, we are more than willing to put a fire under cleaning our stuff out and moving once there is solid proof that is actually happening. We still try to make progress, even without the “hope”. The conditions of their help seem to always change, or grow, or become impossible. It would be impossible to detail it here.

I am also ashamed to say sometimes my anxiety gets to a point where I am compelled to force myself to vomit, and not for any stupid self image reasons. I just feel some sort of anxiety relief afterwards, and sometimes when the anxiety levels just get too high, it seems like the only option other than having a mental break down. I do not do it every day, but there have been weeks where I have done it almost daily. There have also been months and months where I do not do it at all. It just feels shameful every time, I feel like some stupid teenager looking for attention but I’m really not. I guess the only reason I really do it, ever, is for the brief anxiety relief. Sometimes it even breaks a cycle of anxiety and allows me to at least move on for a short period of time.

Yeah, we cannot cover rent in our area, at all. We are trying to scrape enough together to at least buy a place, and have rent for a few months for me to get a job, or hopefully be doing Medical Transcription by then (something I am studying, and it is a work from home job). My boyfriend / fiancée is disabled in a way that makes him unable to work right now, so he is largely a stay at home daddy, which is nice so we don’t need to pay a sitter or anything like that. It is difficult though, living off of one income. Long story short, I support him and understand his situation, so I try to make ends meet the best I can.

We were never really taught “how to be an adult” and have social anxiety and other social handicaps as well which have made our lives more difficult as you would imagine.