* Dear intuitivemind:

The thing with your Andrew affected you so intensely because you were 15 and your hormones were such and everything was NEW, the sexual attraction and all the emotions directed at the experience with Andrew. That experience at 15 made you forget your troubles from before, whatever depression and emptiness and any such feelings from before. When you were with Andrew it was not ALL magical, there were still those other feelings but the attraction to him and the hopes it brought was like an electrical shock to your brain: you most often forgot all your troubles and were fully alive, fully feeling alive.

When you met Andrew at 50, the feeling-memory was triggered.

When you met your husband, you were older. The sexual attraction was not NEW anymore. Over time, nothing was new. No electrical shock to the system. The troubles from before 15 and after Andrew (and during Andrew but most often overwhelmed with the newness) were there in your mind and in your life. There was no electrical shock to distract you from those troubles.

You went on anti depressants not because your husband was not Andrew: you would have gone on them if your husband was Andrew.

You needed healing. You needed a relationship in which to HEAL, together as a team. It could have been with Andrew and it could have been with your husband: I do not know if and how much either one of them would have been able and willing. This was not done.

You divorced your husband after the hug with Andrew because you want to feel well, alive, like you felt when you were 15 with Andrew. Only problem is, you still need to heal from what happened BEFORE Andrew.

Your divorce may have been a good idea, depending who your husband is. But now, it is too late to find a new Andrew and even the old Andrew will not do… because you are not 15 and this thing that happened can not be new again. Maybe for one night, maybe a week, maybe.

Wish you healing.

anita