Dear voicewriter:

The relationship is over. That is a good thing. You abused him during the relationship, and now that it is over, you no longer abuse him. That is a good thing. Your needs weren’t met during the relationship, you were frustrated and now the relationship is over. Again, that is a good thing. It is done with. No benefit in you feeling badly, like you are a horrible person. The best thing you can do is LEARN from it. Learning is very important to me. I am 54, close enough to your age and was lost during most of my life. Since I got on the healing… and learning path, seeing more and more into myself and into what is out there, the more and more interesting life is becoming. My life is more meaningful now as I approach 55 than it has been to me in the past.

I wish YOU the same. This is what i would do if I was you: learn from this relationship. Learn about you and about people.

You wrote that you abused him. Yes, this is not the doing of a good person. When you abused him, you were NOT a good person. As I wrote, good it is over because you no longer abuse him. Sometime later on, I hope you sincerely apologize to him for that. Really, no matter your reasons, you had no right to abuse him.

You abused him but you say you were not angry because to you, “angry is aggressive behavior.” Well, abuse is aggressive behavior!

The usefulness of feeling badly about yourself is only for the purpose of repairing your behavior. As I wrote, maybe later, when you get better understanding of what happened you will apologized to him. Not yet, because it will not be sincere. You need more clarity before you ask him to forgive you, if you choose to do so.

You asked if I thought you are a horrible person? No, I don’t, not unless you are having little children for dinner tonight (a joke!)

As you get more understanding, you will find out that inside you are always loving and looking to be loved, always had and always will. This is what is inside. So if you take this learning path, this IS what you will eventually find inside you. Inside you are the most beautiful, loving and lovable person. The same little girl, loving and lovable that you were more than fifty years ago. I hope this answers your question about being a horrible person- or not- in my mind.

I don’t know what needs were not met, if you had unrealistic expectations or if he was extremely clueless and had no empathy for you, I don’t know anything about him and very little about you.

What do you think so far about what I wrote?
anita