I just have to say, I’m not sure you understand about the abusive thing. It sounds like you think I was beating him or saying horrible insults to him. It wasn’t quite that severe, lol. It was more nit-picky stuff. Like I didn’t like the way his hair looked, or his underwear wasn’t sexy enough, or if he was eating too much I would worry about him getting fat and talk about that. He was very forgetful, so that drove me crazy, and I would tell him. It was more that kind of thing. Abusive, yes, but not the kind of abuse I think you thought it was. And it turned into me being that way because I was frustrated and felt stuck in a situation with someone that I did love, and didn’t know if I could continue on. We run in the same circles here in Boston in the music scene, have a lot of the same friends, which makes this all the more difficult for the future. I keep asking myself, why wasn’t it enough for me? Why couldn’t I love him the way he loves me? Like what’s wrong with me?

As for “something is better than nothing,” I’m not sure that’s true. If it was true, I would have stayed with him, instead of sitting here, knowing he’s out tonight someplace listening to music, and all my friends are there, I was supposed to be there, but for obvious reasons, I’m not. It hurts, and I feel shitty. What hurts the most is that he has shut down. When I talked to him yesterday, I felt like I was talking to an alien. Never has he not wanted to talk to me. Never has he been cold as ice to me. I’m tortured by all of this, and know that I can’t call him, because he doesn’t want to talk to me. And it’s all my fault.