Hey Libby!

It sure is possible to feel terrible due to stress and anxiety. And considering how much you’ve been through, no wonder you feel bad. To be honest, I can’t even imagine I would handle so much as you do. I suffer from anxiety too, and in the past used to worry way too much about my family members’ health as much as my own. It was causing me so much stress, that I barely could move on with life, caught up in “what ifs”. I encountered anxiety triggers often and spend most of my days trying to escape from crippling fear. It came to a breaking point when I could not take it anymore and gradually stared to accept that I have no control over other people’s health. I used to think that if someone close to me is ill, it is my fault ’cause I did not take proper care of them. It was pretty much a journey with giving up responsibility for things I had no control over and accepting I am only human who can do only as much before running out of fuel.

I know it might seem hard to relax when everything seems to go wrong, but it can be done, one step at the time.
With your mother, maybe you would like to let go of her as well. If she’s not honestly willing to help you, there’s no reason you should waste your energy on her. Again – you have no control over her actions. Try focusing on people who already love and support you, they deserve your attention way more than those who neglect you.

Lots of love to you, hope you’ll get better soon!