Dear bulletww:

Yes, it is unhealthy to be as anxious and distressed as you have been. But what caused it? One thing at a time. First remove incorrect thinking and the judgment that follows it. Once you remove: I shouldn’t feel needy/I am weak for being needy, then you remove the distress that envelops the need for her. The fact that you have been thinking so much means some of the thoughts themselves are causing you anxiety, probably the judgments based on thinking what is not true.

This is the panic dynamic: you think, you get scared, you think more, you panic. It is the downward spiral of thinking and feeling.

And in that spiral you are confused and logic is not powerful enough. So what do you do?

Calm down of course. When you panic your brain is very foggy like. You can’t see clearly. Panicking, you increase your thinking so to make yourself better, but you only generate more fog and more confusion. You panic so you do the exact opposite of what you should do: think less, calm down, relax, clear the fog/ the thinking.

You got to get to the calm, fog-free state of mind/ brain. Do so whenever you panic, whatever the reason is. Panic-> go to calm. Don’t try to convince the fear to go away with logic. Empty the mind from thoughts and go back to the issue when calm.

You can’t argue with panic, you have to take time out.

You wrote: “when that need for the other person sometimes creates a sense of uneasy and anxiety that may escalate into negative thoughts, surely that is not healthy?”

It is the obsessing on that need that is the problem- you were okay before you obsessed. Before you thought too much. You got scared, that is what happened, you got scared of getting HURT. When people get scared they start thinking A LOT.

Now, I am thinking too much here, a bit unorganized- this is because I had such a delicious Thanksgiving meal (not traditional)- such a huge meal that I fear I ate too much and will gain weight (an ongoing fear)- so guess what- here I am thinking too much, too quickly, panicking.

I am going to take a long walk in the cold, why don’t you?

Let me know if I was of any help (I am a bit all over the place, same panic/ fear principle… interesting).
anita