Dear Laia:

You wrote that you read in other threads that if you changed your reaction, he will learn to change (his behavior). It sometimes works like this, but not at all necessarily. Often enough it does not, unfortunately (Life would be much simpler if it was that simple). You made the evaluation that he has a lot of unprocessed anger that is always bubbling under the surface and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Trusting your evaluation, there is nothing you can do other than what you are doing: walking on eggshells, being very careful. That is no way to live, of course and the positive results are temporary at best- you may not step on one hidden bomb, but someone will soon enough, you or someone else. Himself, really.

I think that you need to get out of this situation sooner than later, as soon as possible! If you intend to live with your partner, then elsewhere, where the stresses are much lower for him and his bubbling anger is much calmer. Someone has to move out. If you cannot all move out, then he should move out alone. And soon!

anita