Dear andrew.did:

I hear your anger and guilt: your anger turned inward. It is strong, that guilt of not taking her side before she died.

But it was NOT your job. NOT your responsibility. You had nothing to do with your father cheating on your mother and you could not have possibly “fixed” that wrong done to your mother. How could you?

It is that child like thinking that you carry and it is harming you. This UNEARNED guilt is (to use your work) f&*^ing with you and your relationships. It is harming you.

You see your mother in all women that you date.

It is not you who cheated on your mother. It was not your job to keep your father from cheating. You had no power over what he did. You were not the… man of the house. You were a child the whole time, even when she died, you were only 18.

Please write here. There is a way for you to heal from this unfortunate injury, this false belief that you are responsible for what you are not.

anita