Dear Emily:

As to your question about it being his “personality type” to not contact you daily- I don’t think it is in his genes, something he can’t help. You wrote that he doesn’t know how to handle the communication part- well, you can help him by telling him that you NEED him to contact you daily. In doing that you teach him to voice to you what he needs just as you voiced to him what you need. Next you teach him to evaluate the partner’s stated need. Is it reasonable?

If you told him you need him to jump off a building for you, or less extremely, that you need him to propose to you at this point- that would be unreasonable. But is asking for daily communication unreasonable?

You teach him to negotiate as part of communication: if he is not used to call someone daily and it doesn’t come easy to him or he will resent it, teach him to tell you what he feels (uncomfortable, resentful..) and negotiate: for example, he calls you one day, you call him the next. Or he calls you at a particular time convenient to him (and to you). And so on.

The last thing you should do, if I may say so, is to not communicate yourself about this! If you, in fear that he will terminate contact with you completely, in fearing that, if you say nothing and live in anxiety every day as to “Will he call? When will he call? If you do that, you will be harming yourself and REDUCE by a lot, the chances of a relationship of meaning working out.

You want a relationship with him, then assert yourself, communicate. Communicate wisely (not any which way) but communicate your needs and so forth and by doing so you will be teaching him to do the same. That can only bring you closer together. This cannot possibly have any negative impact. Not if communication done right (Empathetically, Assertively, Respectfully, EAR).

anita