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Dear lil.lily:
I read a bit from your previous post of a few months ago about dark energy as well as this one above.I think you are running away from what is inside you. When you wrote: “no… motion, no warmth. No compassion” (in Wash DC) I think there was no warmth or compassion for YOU in the home of your childhood. There was no motion of love into you there. And what you project to Wash DC is what is inside you, loneliness and lack of motion. The interactions you have with the man you meet is the best you (wrongly) think that you can get from a man, just a bit of something, remotely like love. You gave up on the real thing, true love, a long time ago.
You want to help the world, to save the world, perhaps when the person that needs you help the most, the person needs to be saved is you.
anita