Dear Girlish:

Your thread is the first, I believe, the first 2016 thread on this forum. How exciting… to me.

You feel comfortable when with your current girlfriend because you feel safe in her presence. When alone, you feel anxious because you lost that presence, that source of (temporary) safety.

It is natural to feel safe with others … but if the anxiety of finding yourself alone again is too distressing, it means that there is a fear from long ago, a fear from childhood that is still in you, making itself known to you. The child part of you, the part that remembers being scared and alone long ago, it delivering a message to you: “I am scared and alone! Help me!”

So you attend to that part in you, look her in the eyes with care, empathy and ask her gently: Tell me about it. Tell me what scares you.” And you hold her hand and listen. Let her tell you and if you would like, share it here, and I will kindly respond.

anita