Thank you for your reply.

Yes I mean that compared to many others who have tough lives growing up, I am far from that. I was not spoilt yet what thought was the best for me was given and done. I find people who have not had an easy life are stronger in character than me. They would be more appreciative.

I have never had a great loving close relationship with my parents. Today there is only my mother and still I find it hard to get along with her.

My parents have always had high standards. The way you look, dress, education etc… Which I considered to be secondary to the true feeling of love. Looking at now and the past I never like/liked receiving compliments or any love/affection and would distance myself from it. I grew up as an only child and found my own space to be the best.

I feel by the age I was able to make my own decisions in life i never learned the Ability to do it properly.

I do feel this pursuit of perfection came from my parents. They would never demand or say anything but i suppose it was an unwritten expectation. My schooling was at top schools. My grades were always poor. From the outside people saw me as a model child. I have never really fitted into any group in school or college. I always felt an outsider. I was at schools were they were all highly intelligent, then a school where they were very rich, and then a school where I was considered the well spoken rich one, the in college I struggled with my grades.

Even now if I look at people around I never seem to fit in and I feel I have to change myself and adapt to other people.

I am Asian guy which grew up in a white neighbourhood. Never had or even now I don’t have any Asian friends. I don’t fit in with Asians. They have all seemed to have lived different lives than me. They see me as a unique person to them. Now with my non-Asian friends I don’t really fit in there also. I have always felt like I am in no-mans land.

Sorry for blabbing on. I feeling i am sitting in self-pity. Which is stupid.