Dear L:

I don’t think it is possible to live life without regrets. I also believe that just because nobody is perfect does not mean we should tolerate such gross imperfections by others, such as lashing out. Even if you did in the past (I have), it doesn’t mean that once you corrected this behavior yourself, that you should forever pay the price in enduring the same from another.

The therapist you described, not a good one. Like I wrote, should have started with interpersonal skills, first and highest priority, not with your childhood or his. How to interact NOW is the basis of all else.

You don’t want to think in the future: maybe if I gave him this chance, maybe he would have healed and all would be well… if this is your motivation, then giving him another chance will be the answer… but maybe not:

If I am getting it correctly, if THIS chance does not work out, he (and the therapist you described) will be blaming you. Following that, you will need to give him another chance with a better you. Maybe next time YOU will do it right so he can heal. Getting insane, says I.

Look, L: If his pattern is to BLAME you and you have already taken the blame, then this is all futile- you are stuck in a situation where you cannot win.

anita