Dear L:

If you attend therapy with him again, as couple therapy, make sure the therapist works on Interpersonal Skills. One term taught to me in such was EAR, stands for Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect. He needs to talk with you respectfully, to assert himself fairly and respectfully. So do not be passive if you attend therapy, take an active, directive part.

If you give him another chance, again, do not take a passive part. Do things DIFFERENTLY than before. Not the same. Different. Do not trust words, or time but take reasonable control of what is happening. Talk to him on an ongoing basis (with breaks), ask questions. Ask for clarification. Learn to see if indeed he is healing. Since you broke your patterns from the past, you know how breaking patterns look like, so SEE and remain aware of whether he is sincerely healing.

People often START, with good intentions, to walk the path of healing and mending and then it gets too difficult and they leave the path. This is the norm. Pay attention then.

Post anytime.

anita