Dear Arran:

I am thinking my suggestion to work with your wife as a team, talking things through, how you feel, how she feels, what you can do to help each other… will make her and you calmer. So when you wrote that you can’t talk to her because she is already stressed, I think talking is a good idea because she is stressed. Your first inclination may be that talking will bring more stress, but if you try it you may find it is the opposite. If talking is done right, Empathetically, Assertively, Respectfully (EAR) then it can only help each other, a Win-Win proposition.

I like your wife’s value of the simple things in life, this is a big plus for a perfectionist. She can really help you if you let her.

Please re-read our correspondence on this thread and think about it calmly, then get back with me, if you would like, there may be something useful for you to consider and experiment with (try it in practice).

anita