Arran,

I am sorry for your suffering.

It is a delight that you wish happiness upon your being so that your family may also encompass it. To perceive that our suffering affects others is a grand recognition. To want to take action for not only the well being of others but also ourselves is also correct. How are we to help eachother if our own beings are troubled? This, along with the recognition and admittance of the other characteristics you listed, are already substantial steps in assisting you on your journey to acquire happiness; or self-love. To apprehend that which obstructs us is something many fail to grasp, resulting in prolonged chaotic existence. Hence, please try to find some relief in this.

My friend, indeed traits that have been bored and ingrained in us overtime are understandably difficult to harmonize. However, instead of displaying frustration at this, we should be more sympathetic and gentle towards ourselves. We are not supposed to deftly handle all that enters our lives. A chain smoker should not be expected to just simply quit (for the most part). He must take baby steps. Don’t you believe this also applies to you? In this endeavor, and other difficult ones, we must only think progress; never speed. I hope you will use this to help calm the perfectionist attribute rooted in you. Also, reiterating our life-affirming beliefs can also help. Recalling why our existence, this existence, is worth living and experiencing can inspire action and/or change. If none have been made or are to be found, then another journey is simply in order. However, this should not be taken as somber news. With the correct mindset, we can make this endeavor fun; similar to a child in a candy store. Sure, we are guaranteed to experience bad flavors, but, we are also guaranteed to have delicious ones. Is it possible we may find a flavor so gratifying, so worth our exhausting search, that it makes us not want to give up on candy? In this vast and expansive world that we live in, do you believe you will never find the ‘candy’ that will bring you your true joy?

I hope this helps and please forgive any grammatical errors.

Al