Dear Issel:

I read your August post just now and your new post twice. The first year and a half of the relationship with this woman, you told her at the very beginning of that year and a half that you will not marry a woman of a different religion, that is her. Even though you told her that she chose to have a relationship with you. A year and a half into it, she met another guy who showed her interest. So she left you. During that time, and still, she claimed and claims that she wanted marriage with you. That she was committed to you and you were not. At the end of the year and a half, August, you told her you changed your mind and are willing to marry her but she chose to not proceed with you and instead she was with the boyfriend.

During the time with the boyfriend she called you and told you that she loves you but proceeded to be with him. Now that you and her are together, she is still considering going back to the ex boyfriend or to another guy. She also says she wants you to marry her.

It seems to me that she is a very confused young woman. It seems to me that she does not know what she wants. I think that her claim that you were not committed to her in the first year and a half is not sincere. I feel that she was not committed to you and that she is still not committed to you. It is my understanding that all along she is the one who had a commitment difficulty, committing to you or to the boyfriend she just left and considering going back to.

I think that you are setting yourself for another heartache. That is a shame because your pain from August diminished over time. Too bad you are now vulnerable again, vulnerable to a woman who does not know what she wants. I think that the reason she can’t give you a straight answer about why the relationship ended a year and a half ago is because it is not a pretty answer. And I don’t know if she wants to face the reason.

Did she share with you about her childhood, her relationships with her parents then and now? As life is, answers are there. Share that with me, if you’d like, and we can examine her reasons together, based on her relationships with her parents, past and present.

anita