Hi J – I agree, a lot of times, family is overrated! To deal with them can be an obstacle course of dodging expectations and obligations… so I don’t blame you for not wanting to take their unsolicited advice, because they’re probably coming at you from the “family rules and reputation” perspective. You can stay in touch with them, stay polite, but stay out of the politics.

As for your inner changes, it seems like you’re ready for them. You’re noticing what you need to change… what you need to say No to… who you need to stay away from. The reason you don’t have to regret some of your rotten decisions is because they come with their own lessons that you learn along the way. So you’re actually already learning – it might take longer to get a certain lesson than others, but as I said, your acknowledgment is the first step, and you’re already on your way.

The “disease to please” is drilled into us early on in our lives… we’re taught to please our parents, teachers, friends, etc., so saying No is a very hard lesson to learn for a lot of us. What helps me is to prepare myself ahead of time to say No to certain asks. For example, I already know I’ll always say No if I have to travel somewhere for a wedding or an event. I already know I’ll always say No to corporate work lunches (I don’t work at a corporate job anymore so I don’t have this problem now). But you see where I’m going – if you prepare ahead of time to say No, you won’t have to make a split-second decision when someone asks you. It might take a little longer to be able to say No and not feel like you have to give an excuse. But you’ll get there 🙂