Dear Susan:

Your motivation in figuring this out makes sense to me. There is the pain of his sudden reversal on his past consistent assertions- this must be a strong blow to you.

If you ask him by email so that he can answer you when he is calm, take his time so he is not pressured, this is fair for you to ask why. And you deserve an answer. You definitely, no doubt, deserve an answer.

You spent money, but as you stated, more importantly, you invested your emotions and time and you do deserve an answer.

If you carefully word your request (send it here if you want my input as to the fairness of it, it being none accusatory) AND he does not answer you, that means he is … not the man you thought he was. It also would mean that your suspicions of him were not unfounded. Not necessarily that he cheated on you, but that he is … not the decent man you thought he was.

If he does answer you, this is a different story. Then you have something to examine, to evaluate. Then there is information to study, to figure out its honesty.

Regardless of your imperfections in this relationship, you deserve an answer. You can’t legally make him answer (maybe you can, actually, there is a possible legal suit for breaking a financial agreement as the two of you have made)- but no doubt you have the moral, ethical RIGHT for an answer.

Somehow ask for what you deserve, the answer. Express to him, in a kind and gentle way, that you do have the right to know and tell him why you need to know and why you deserve it (your investments)- and send it to him.

Then wait for an answer.

If you would like, you can post here the email you intend to send him. Being emotional, you being so close to your case, you may benefit from an objective opinion and suggestions as to the email. And if you would like, post any time while you wait for the reply so to get my support here, maybe others’ support as well. And when you get a reply, if you do, you can send any part of it here so to get my input, again, as an objective party.

As strange as it may sound, here, on this thread, you don’t have to be alone with this.

What do you think?

anita

anita