Dear Shelly:

My husband suggested he and I go visit his family for Thanksgiving. I considered it but knew from previous experience how unhappy I was and how unhappy I made him. Everyone suffered, really, so I asked him to go by himself. What a relief for me! I didn’t have to be where I was going to suffer! I felt a bit jealous hearing about what a good time he had (and he did, is the good part)- but I was able to deal with it since he was a few hours away by plane and he couldn’t see my face and my discontent as it naturally registers on my face.

As to an example of sharing, a real example…yes, I remember, not long ago. I was very uncomfortable sharing it, felt ashamed, that shameful very uncomfortable feeling (my inner voice telling me: you are not nice, anita, to feel this way…shame on you, etc.) Anyway, although I felt that way, my face hot, blushing, maybe, I said to him: “I feel very possessive of you. I feel so uncomfortable whenever you give something to someone else.”

Previous to that I already shared, again and again, that I feel this way as a result of my experiences in the past, way before I met him. I shared with him previously and repeatedly that what I feel, what we all feel, is an automatic mental event, not of our choosing and it depends on connections between neurons in the brains formed mostly in our formative years.

I hope this helps. Will be back at the computer in a few hours. Best to you. Post anytime and I will respond!

anita