Hi Jenny,

It seems as if you are taking the majority of the blame on why the relationship ended. To be honest I am sure there were things that your partner did that contributed to the fallout. Try to think back to those things. Additionally, when someone says that they wanted to be with you, but that they can’t they are not telling the truth. If he wanted to be with you then he would be with you. If he didn’t want to end things then he wouldn’t have ended things. Sometimes when a relationship isn’t healthy or meeting our needs, but we still care for our parter then it’s likely we have on and off feelings about them (i.e. deciding whether to stay or go).

We are not meant to end up with every person we date. The truth is that most people need to go through multiple relationships to learn how to navigate them. Therefore, a lot of relationships serve as lessons on what to do and what not to do. From your message here I can see that you were comparing your partner to your ex boyfriend and kind of putting him on a pedestal. You said you’d be crazy for letting him go, but you still wanted time apart to think about whether you wanted to stay in the relationship. Another thing that I noticed is that you told him that things were okay when they really weren’t. It’s dangerous for a partner to hide their feelings. If you are unsure of your feelings for them, unhappy, or your needs are unmet then that will show regardless of whether you tell them or not. If the relationship is good you should tell your partner and if it’s bad then you should still share that with your partner and see if you can work things out or move on. Still – both people have to be willing to work through these things.

Grieve the relationship. It is gone. You will be better,more free, and happier after some time has passed. You will also come to realize that it takes two people to make a relationship. You can control yourself, but you can’t control what he will decide or how he feels. There are many people who are great for us.

Annie